i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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