i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
