Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
