So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
