I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
