I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
