508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
