GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
