is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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