i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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