My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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