hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
