so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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