Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.

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(909): View more from California

i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment

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(845): View more from New York

no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill

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(574): View more from Indiana

He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.

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(979): View more from Texas

Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.

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(310): View more from California

I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!

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