so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize