my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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