So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
