Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
