he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
