woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
