What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
