Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
