if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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