I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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