Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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