they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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