K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
