ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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