He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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