i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
