yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
A+ Viking dick
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
