I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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