who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I looked at my own cervix.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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