He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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