i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
