Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
