found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You are a genius and a whore.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
