drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
