i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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