So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
