Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
