You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
