I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
