only you would photoshop your dick
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
