this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
