I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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