Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
