I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
