You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
