I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
