I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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