broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize