chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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