Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
