What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
one might say we're banned from that church
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
