Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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