Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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