When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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