I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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