I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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