My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
