how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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