dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
