My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
