This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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