please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
