don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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