I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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