sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
