There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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