new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
