i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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