He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
