Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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