go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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