if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Nicole vs. Life
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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