i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sorry my hands just texted you
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
