All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
