She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i barfeds in our rink
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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